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Give Me the Sexy Article!
You go girl, you finally did it! You took a sexy dance class, wore your new Victoria’s Secret bra, sat your lover down, and told them to prepare for your alluring and tantalizing striptease. Except… it didn’t go quite as planned. To work up your courage, you drank one too many glasses of wine. You fell …twice. You couldn’t get your damn bra unhooked, and instead of channeling Beyonce or Alessandra Ambrosio, you embodied a dancing hybrid of Dame Edna and Elaine from Seinfeld. The truth is, it is not as easy as strippers make it look. Nevertheless, striptease is a fantastic way to get in touch with your inner diva and show your sweetheart that you aim to please. There is nothing better than a new trick that causes your lover to stare at you with wide eyes and gasp, “Where did you learn that?”
Now more than ever, women are lining up in droves to learn this special way of erotic and powerful control. I know, because I myself teach ordinary women how to move like exotic dancers. I have taught all types, sizes, and shapes of women including grandmothers, CEOs, third grade teachers and doctors. I am 40 now, and I spent the majority of my twenties as a topless dancer, dancing my way into the hearts and wallets of men for more years than I care to admit. And I was good. When the guys were not spending money in the bar, the rear dressing room would become full of girls. But I was rarely in the back. Once a fellow dancer walked into the dressing room filled with fed up girls, sat next to me, and said, “Well, if you’re back here, I know there’s no money out there!” I was always raking in the dough. However, I was not the best looking girl in the club. I was muscular with a thick waist, thin hair, and a small B cup. But I had perfected the art of seduction through dance, and until I had become burned out during my last few years, I usually had at least 2-3 guys waiting for a lap dance through out my entire shift.
So why do women want to do this tawdry tango for their partners in the first place? Why not just buy a new sex toy or slip on a cop's outfit for a little role play? There is something powerful about striptease and lap dance, and it is also something most men fantasize about. Guys do not stand in the street ogling the traffic cop at 23rd and 5th or wait in line at the downtown sex shop when the latest ball tickler or Jenna Jameson video is released. But they will wait in line, pay a twenty dollar cover charge, spend four times the street value for a beer, and drop hundreds to thousands in a single sitting on an exotic dancer. Why? Honestly, it is different for each guy. Usually, it is either the fantasy of the unattainable, the opportunity to get close to a beautiful woman who will show him her boobs, the chance to have the most stunning girls in the room vying for his attention (a.k.a. money), the possibility that he will be able to touch what shouldn’t be touched, the novelty of being in the “titty bar”, or just a chance to hang with the boys and act like cave men (Beer good. Woman good.). The list goes on and on. For most, it is the equivalent of us ladies snagging a win-a-date with our favorite sexy celeb. We know they won’t really be interested, but juuuust maybe. And if they want to lean over and plant one…well, we wouldn’t mind! It is a one-night fantasy. But the question to ask is, how do I tap into that fantasy? How do I become her?
Even though it is not as easy as it looks, it can be learned, and most importantly, it can be mastered! This mini guide will cover the exterior appearance of an exotic dancer and the initial set up of your own “main stage.” First things first, you have to stop thinking about how this is going to please them, and start thinking about how this is going to benefit you, because in the long run, it will. Think of yourself as the self centered, selfish stripper.
Step one: Put them in a C.O. M. A.
Since you don’t have the DJ, lights, house mom (lady responsible for hair and makeup in the dressing room), or pole, you will have to improvise and do it yourself. Remember this; you will want to make them beg for more. Hurt them so badly that you leave them in a coma. That is C.O. M. A.
C stands for confidence. Make sure you are feeling very confident on the day of your dance. Your lover might have a reaction that you did not plan on. When faced with something like this from their lovers, our partners are sometimes overwhelmed. They might be embarrassed or even laugh. I even had a client tell me once that her boyfriend cried because he was so touched. Just make sure that you are confident in your skills, have practiced, and have prepared for anything that might happen. I will discuss confidence in more detail in a moment.
O is for outfit. The key is to wear what makes you feel as sexy and as fabulous as possible. Do not be concerned with what they like. Your pride and happiness in the way you look will make you more attractive than you would be in something they picked out that makes you feel less than beautiful. Remember, selfish stripper! Go to your local lingerie store, pick out a few outfits, and please, try them on to see how they fit. Buy at least two outfits, and wear the one that feels best for your mood on the big day. Nothing makes a stripper feel worse than the wrong outfit. There is a very good reason why dancers have 30 outfits and change constantly. You will also need a thong, or T-back, which is an undie with a one inch thick strip of cloth that covers your rear end. G-strings (undies with just a string to cover the back end) are nice, but I feel that they reveal a little too much before it is time. It is like wrapping a gift in cellophane. If you insist on full bottoms, wear a thong underneath for the final reveal. And yes, you need heels. You would not ride a bicycle without tires and you are not going to do a striptease without heels. My recommendation is six inch stiletto platform open toe shoes with an ankle strap. They will be easy to find online. Your new shoes will need to be broken in. Just wear them around the house in 20 minute intervals until you start to get the hang of it. If they are too tight, heat up the stretchy plastic parts with a hair dryer before slipping them on. They really can be quite comfortable once you adjust to the height. Also do not be afraid to experiment with accessories like belly chains, thigh highs, gloves, garters, and hats. However, all accessories stay on.
M is for music, your background music. It should be loud enough to feel in your body, but it should not over power the show. It can be fast if you want it to be, but slow and heavy songs are always best. No matter how fast the song is you should always move slowly. Also, your song should conjure up emotion. It should make you feel empowered, sexy, or exactly how you imagine you will feel when you ace the dance. I happen to love Into You by Ashanti because the song describes how much she adores the man in front of her and the beat is super sexy. Songs about sex and its joys are always perfect. Darling Nikki by Prince, Fall for Your Type by Jamie Fox and Brain by Banks are just plain hot. We have over 600 sexy oozy songs on our Spotify list for you to groove to . Load your new hit into your phone and listen to it like a Tony Robbins tape. Absorb it. You should know every guitar riff, every lyric, every oh and ah. The more that you know your song, the better that you will be able to move to it. The beauty of dancing is that you can move to drums, guitars, even lyrics. As you practice with your song, you will see where you can punch certain moves and accelerate others. Just like the original strippers, or burlesque dancers, moved to the drum beat, so will you.
A is for atmosphere and appearance. These are things we know, but often overlook: kids at grandma’s, phones off, lights dimmed, doors locked, and wine and candles as needed. Also, a little effort on your looks will go a long way. Shave everything (ever heard of a Brazilian wax?), get a pedi/mani, let your hair down, use perfume EVERYWHERE, especially in your hair, put on makeup, and pop a mint. Body oils, shimmery powders, and lip glosses are wonderful beauty tools as well.
Step two: Harness your confidence, or at least the look of it.
Gentleman’s clubs always advertise a bevy of top notch, Playboy quality beauties for your carnal pleasure. However, the truth is that they are not all Barbie doll babes. They can be extremely short, very tall, sport double Gs, or be flat chested. They can be too thin or quite chunky. I have seen a shaved head dancing next to Rapunzel hair. Some wear more makeup than Kim K., and some have never used mascara in their life. But they all make money. So who makes the most? It is not always the prettiest girl with the perfect C cup. It also is not the girl who dances a little closer than she should in the VIP room. Time and time again, the girl who leaves with the fattest wad of bills is the girl who exudes the most confidence through out the night, be it on stage or on the floor. Whether it is a put on or sincere, confidence is a must. At first, for you, it probably will not be genuine. After all, it can be a daunting experience to stand in front of your partner and put on a sexy show. It is natural to be nervous, but you must put on an act. Every exotic dancer has something that they feel completely self conscious about, but they fake it and push onward! So, how do you achieve this false confidence when all you can think about is your exposed cellulite, falling in your heels, and whether or not they are going to laugh or cry? Your first step is to practice, practice, practice. I will say it again; it is imperative that everything is this little guide be practiced. Strippers are not born; they are made through 8 hours a night, 4 days a week of on the job training. Trust me, every veteran in the bar can spot a new girl a mile away. Just keep that in the back of your mind.
To achieve the look of confidence, a constant smile is paramount. Not the beauty queen smile, but the, I have a naughty little secret smile. Smile a devious smile like the Elvis grin that made the world weak in the knees. Now, tilt your head down slightly, and lift your eyes. You are now in predator mode, and he is most definitely the prey. Mimic the Sahara lion stalking her prey in the tall grass, moving deliberately. You are in control of this show, this ride, this moment. Then you must find your mantra. This is something you will repeat over and over inside your head. It should pull your focus inward and make you feel powerful. Repeat, “He wants me. He’s can’t wait to fuck me. All I have to do I just stand her and he will get hard.” Sound stuck up? Good! Remember, selfish stripper! By doing this you are oozing confidence and finding your power. Next, look at your partner and narrow your eyes a la Paris Hilton. Imagine yourself as Medusa or a powerful sorceress, and your gaze is what keeps the spell alive, intact. We call this the Predator Face. Practice this face in the mirror. Just like models practice their look in a mirror, so should you, until it becomes easy and natural. Do it while you put on your make-up in the morning. And look for celebs doing it in magazines and pictures. Once you start looking you will see it everywhere!
Step Three: Bring your partner to ecstasy by pretending you are in it.
Throughout the dance, your eyes should do three things and only three. One: look directly into their eyes; use the sorcerer move. Look at your partner like you want them more than a starving man wants bread. Two: keep your eyes closed. Allow them the freedom to explore your body with his own eyes without feeling like you are watching them. This is the ultimate voyeuristic pleasure for your lover. They love to watch us! Three: watch your own hands as they move across your body. Whatever you do, never look around the room. Next, make your breathing heavy. Do all the little things your body does right before orgasm. Lick your lips, moan ever so slightly, roll your head back, and open your mouth. Yes!
Now you have lit the candles, shaved further back than you ever thought possible, and you mugged in the mirror so much you can do it in your sleep. You are feeling like Cleopatra in a pearl back thong. But, now the question is, how do I actually dance? How do I move my hips, perform a lap dance, and turn in these heels? That’s where I come in…
Step One: Invest one hour a week for BCD. I have created Behind Closed Doors (Behind Closed Doors), an online video classroom that will help you make a transformation in your very own living room. You can get access to OVER 6 hours of video with new videos added weekly for $9.95 a month (cancel anytime). We add new videos every week. You can use the code DOORS to get 50% off of your first month! Go here and the code will already be uploaded! What do you have to lose?! Together we are gonna get sexy and confident and create whole new naughty you. An Xpert Teaser! Click the link, watch the trailer then stand up and start moving. I want you to start dancing RIGHT NOW. YES!
Step Two: Let’s get private! If you happen to be in New York or Los Angeles, I want you to give me a call 1-800-747-1462 to set up an in person class as well! Or let’s get that livestream class going. Just email me the days & times that you are available firstname.lastname@example.org .
And until we meet again, you have homework. Begin to practice what you have learned so far. Purchase your ideal costume, perfect your Predator Face, practice walking in your heels, and work on that mantra. And do not feel guilty if you start to become more excited about the way you feel regarding yourself than the way your partner is going to feel when you are done with your dance. Like I said, it is okay to be a little selfish.
I am so excited to take this journey with you and I can’t wait to dance together. Talk soon!
Hugs & Heels,